extrapenguin: Photo of horse's head (Default)
Here there be analysis. Porn is hard to analyze, I feel.

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extrapenguin: Photo of horse's head (Default)
Note: I don't read much in present tense, and thus am not by any means an expert critic in it. I am also feverish and headache-y, and more liable to expressing sentiments like "everything sucks" than usual.
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General
See if you could break up your sentences more often – try to make sure your intro and outro paragraphs both have two sentences, that sort of thing. Perhaps try to do a heavily stylized fic where the sentence length is much shorter?
extrapenguin: Photo of horse's head (Default)
I referred to my earlier first and last lines memes on chat, and, well, here we are, doing an analysis trade. While I have a fever. Please excuse my incoherence.
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In General
Airotkiv, your sentences' default length is much longer than mine, lol. You also do nice things with language.

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extrapenguin: Photo of horse's head (Default)
ExtraPenguin

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