Thank you so much for those heterofatalism/heteropessimism links! SUPER interesting, and I really want to talk with my mother about them. When #MeToo was a new thing, she and I were discussing just how many men of her generation had mistreated women in some way, and I expressed sympathy that she and other women had been stuck choosing partners from such a toxic pool. "Oh, it was worse than that," she said. "We loved them." It's haunted me ever since, and I keep looking for an analysis of heterosexual women's lives under misogyny that includes their desperate need not just to be loved but to love. Lewis's wonderful essay on hedonism comes close, and a find-and-replace that swapped out sex for love would be an interesting experiment. I do think many people need good love just as much as they need good sex, and the conditions for the two to flourish are much the same.