ExtraPenguin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
extrapenguin) wrote2016-11-30 10:15 pm
extrapenguin) wrote2016-11-30 10:15 pm
Entry tags:
Lines First and Last, for dear Myristica
Here there be analysis. Porn is hard to analyze, I feel.
The Years of his Relegation Thence
The river hills of Isvaroë had cradled him as a child like his own mother’s arms.
Skipping the "Mariana" poem, dearmarianainthemoatedgrange, this opening line is good at setting the place (Isvaroë), time (Maia's childhood), and also has a poetic bent. A good set-up for the naturalist study that follows.
In time the bird vanished into the clouds, leaving only Maia’s own desire to fall up and up into the sky in its wake, the marsh stretching futiley below him as oblivion claimed him, caught between the stars and the mud.
THIS IS SO SAD. You have given me a sad. Well done! Yet again, poetic, and yearning, and a bit wistful.
On Yielding to Temptation
“Is this how thou'rt used by his Serenity, wanton?” Deret’s voice was a low growl. “Wert chosen from thy courier’s rank for thy knowledge of court affairs or for the skill of thy mouth?”
Sets this fic up as A Porn. A Beshelar/Csevet porn, to be exact. With dirty talk.
Csevet turned to face Deret, arms full of discarded clothes, storm-grey eyes shining with a mixture of emotions that Deret could hardly guess at the number and nature of. “Lieutenant, it would be our pleasure."
Beshelar has graduated from fantasies to acting out his fantasies. Csevet is a willing partner and has to prod him a bit. This instance of porn is over, but there will be continued porn in the future. Well porned.
Unseen
Csetheio Caireizhasan, hear me.
Apart from the typo, a very nice line. Maia is meditating, but when and where? The mantra is a nice call line for the whole porn.
Trembling with aftershocks that presaged the renewal of desire, Maia closed his eyes to the darkness once again and reached out to his nohecharei, surrendering himself to pure sound and sensation.
The porn ends but also continues! Maia has now accepted the fact that the nohecharei are there for him, and there is thus an emotional resolution of sorts.
Csoru/Csethiro Hatesex
The summer party of Ceredada and Celehada had adjourned from the musty, unaired halls of Eheloee to the nearby town of Cethoro, leaving behind two of their number as well as a skeleton staff tasked with catering to the whims of the two.
I disagree with the name Eheloee. Other than that, a long but otherwise unremarkable opening line that sets the scene for the porn.
"An thou deignest to be less disagreeable I may show thee the workings of it myself."
A sequel hook to further porn! Csethiro dangling a carrot in front of Csoru to make her suffer. A good extension of the hatesex dynamic.
Blessings
He had barely exited the door of the bath when the two of them, surely having coordinated the attack beforehand, were upon him.
If one does not look at the tags, this is a very surprising line. Which pair of people? Dazhis and Telimezh? Maia has many pairs of people who'd be willing to descend upon him. The bath foreshadows the sexing nicely, for people are generally naked for both baths and sex.
In the dim light, his lovers’ hands were clasped across his chest, joining him between them even in sleep and beyond.
This is cute. Also somewhat metaphorical. And falling asleep is the #1 way of achieving closure, so yes, closure-ing achieved. Upon the same bed they sexed on, even, giving a continuity of action.
The Years of his Relegation Thence
The river hills of Isvaroë had cradled him as a child like his own mother’s arms.
Skipping the "Mariana" poem, dear
marianainthemoatedgrange, this opening line is good at setting the place (Isvaroë), time (Maia's childhood), and also has a poetic bent. A good set-up for the naturalist study that follows.In time the bird vanished into the clouds, leaving only Maia’s own desire to fall up and up into the sky in its wake, the marsh stretching futiley below him as oblivion claimed him, caught between the stars and the mud.
THIS IS SO SAD. You have given me a sad. Well done! Yet again, poetic, and yearning, and a bit wistful.
On Yielding to Temptation
“Is this how thou'rt used by his Serenity, wanton?” Deret’s voice was a low growl. “Wert chosen from thy courier’s rank for thy knowledge of court affairs or for the skill of thy mouth?”
Sets this fic up as A Porn. A Beshelar/Csevet porn, to be exact. With dirty talk.
Csevet turned to face Deret, arms full of discarded clothes, storm-grey eyes shining with a mixture of emotions that Deret could hardly guess at the number and nature of. “Lieutenant, it would be our pleasure."
Beshelar has graduated from fantasies to acting out his fantasies. Csevet is a willing partner and has to prod him a bit. This instance of porn is over, but there will be continued porn in the future. Well porned.
Unseen
Csetheio Caireizhasan, hear me.
Apart from the typo, a very nice line. Maia is meditating, but when and where? The mantra is a nice call line for the whole porn.
Trembling with aftershocks that presaged the renewal of desire, Maia closed his eyes to the darkness once again and reached out to his nohecharei, surrendering himself to pure sound and sensation.
The porn ends but also continues! Maia has now accepted the fact that the nohecharei are there for him, and there is thus an emotional resolution of sorts.
Csoru/Csethiro Hatesex
The summer party of Ceredada and Celehada had adjourned from the musty, unaired halls of Eheloee to the nearby town of Cethoro, leaving behind two of their number as well as a skeleton staff tasked with catering to the whims of the two.
I disagree with the name Eheloee. Other than that, a long but otherwise unremarkable opening line that sets the scene for the porn.
"An thou deignest to be less disagreeable I may show thee the workings of it myself."
A sequel hook to further porn! Csethiro dangling a carrot in front of Csoru to make her suffer. A good extension of the hatesex dynamic.
Blessings
He had barely exited the door of the bath when the two of them, surely having coordinated the attack beforehand, were upon him.
If one does not look at the tags, this is a very surprising line. Which pair of people? Dazhis and Telimezh? Maia has many pairs of people who'd be willing to descend upon him. The bath foreshadows the sexing nicely, for people are generally naked for both baths and sex.
In the dim light, his lovers’ hands were clasped across his chest, joining him between them even in sleep and beyond.
This is cute. Also somewhat metaphorical. And falling asleep is the #1 way of achieving closure, so yes, closure-ing achieved. Upon the same bed they sexed on, even, giving a continuity of action.