*screaming*

[extrapenguin]

So! Worldcon got made virtual-only, because staying at home to wake up in the middle of the night and chat to people over Skype is everyone's best idea of fun!

Cancel everything! Cancel all the plans! Cancel everything that anyone ever anticipated! Cancel the ability to plan for the future, because who needs predictability?????

(Local autist deals badly with plans changing, surprising absolutely no-one else!)

All my big-ticket plans have been thrown in the trash! I have not touched another human being for, like, 3 weeks! How do I feel about that? I have no fucking clue! (Alexithymia is frequently a part of autism, and boy do I have it. Why am I crying/giggling hysterically/screaming on the floor? Maybe I'm experiencing an emotion, but I have no idea what! O all-knowing Google, please enlighten me, what do normal people feel when they're doing this???)

I have never been okay in my life. I am I guess at most 30 minutes away from freaking out while cackling on the floor under the best of circumstances! Why do I need to feign sanity now? Everything has been cancelled! Cancel sanity along with all the other shit! Fuck life! Fuck everything! I hate staring at walls and want my comforting routines and nice things to look forward to back!

*screams*

Comments

[solo]

Your icon expresses the tone of your post so well!

I'm like you in that I really like to be able to plan and know what's going to happen when. I guess I'm dealing with this situation by simply telling myself everything is OFF and not looking left or right, making plans for my day but not my week, and carrying out those plans. I make a list in the morning and then I work through it, and then I feel accomplished and treat myself. Micro planning. :) IDK if it can work for you but might be worth a try? (I have the advantage that I'm also a master of compartmentalization - if I don't want to have feelings about a thing I largely don't.)

You might be crying/giggling hysterically/screaming on the floor because the entire situation is so absurd that any or all of these responses, joint or separate, are entirely appropriate?

Why do I need to feign sanity now?

Do you have to?

[extrapenguin]

This is merely the latest of a series of big-ticket plans I made back in 2019 getting cancelled/delayed/transformed beyond all recognition, so. I know about only making micro-plans that depend solely on me, and have been doing so, but that doesn't remove the sting of other stuff I already planned for long ago being cancelled.

You might be crying/giggling hysterically/screaming on the floor because the entire situation is so absurd that any or all of these responses, joint or separate, are entirely appropriate?
But the situation isn't worth that, and I do all that (well, maybe not the screaming) on occasion anyway?

And yes, I have to feign sanity, because if I don't, the stuff I require to function as a human being will go away. It's very much a fake it 'till you make it thing for me.