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extrapenguin...and I did an answer here.
Now, one of the questions is, "provide an alternative ending to a fic of yours". The fic eventually chosen: Not in the Job Description. I wrote two alternative endings.
Original:
Telimezh opened the door with trepidation. The merchant had assured them all that his ware was both safe and relaxing, but someone still had to investigate more thoroughly before His Serenity would be allowed near. Some of his colleagues in the Untheileneise Guard had already done a cursory check of the room the merchant had installed his ... apparatus? in, but had refused to report beyond it not being dangerous.
Telimezh scanned the room. The whitewash on the walls was fresh, and the only furniture in the room was a massage bench and a chest in the corner. The bench looked nonthreatening, so Telimezh chose to start his investigation with the chest.
He took two steps before a voice spoke, startling him hugely. “Hello? Are you here to investigate us?”
After he regained his composure and got his heart rate back under control, he saw that what he had thought was a chest was instead a large tank of water with a ... thing inside. It had no ears or hair, but was instead an ovoid bulb with two mournful eyes and – Anmura's balls, were those tentacles? Truly, Telimezh had now seen it all.
“A merchant has sold His Serenity, Edrehasivar VII Zhas, something he claimed was both safe and extremely relaxing. The thing should be situated in this room. We don't suppose you would have noticed it?” Telimezh asked. Concentrate on the practicalities. The sensation of wrongness will subside; do your duty first. That's how he'd adapted to Kiru.
The thing wobbled its tentacles morosely. “Was the merchant perhaps Mer Palnar? We were caught from the sea by a goblin sailor who sold us to Mer Palnar. We have lived in this tank for months.”
That was certainly a complication. “We are certain that His Serenity could finance your return to the sea”, Telimezh said. He felt a twinge of guilt at making promises on behalf of His Serenity, but he was sure that His Serenity would fall over himself trying to get the creature to its home.
Again, morose wobbling of tentacles. “Our clan will have moved away by then. We would be doomed to a short, lonesome life, away from our kith and kin.” It seemed to deflate somewhat at being reminded of its sad fate.
“Perhaps a position at court?” Telimezh suggested. “Forgive us, we have been remiss in the social niceties. We are Lieutenant Zharu Telimezh, Second Nohecharis to His Serenity Edrehasivar VII Zhas.”
“We are Dhatal of Clan Tsoghat. Mer Palnar called us Thata.” Again, morose wobbling of tentacles. “We fear we have no useful skills. Mer Palnar intended for us to be a masseur, but we do not think such a position would be available.”
Telimezh tasted the unfamiliar sound at the start of Dhatal's name. “M- ah, would you be Mer Dhatal or Min Dhatal?” he asked, embarrassed. Hopefully not Merrem. Bad enough that Dhatal have been taken away from home; to imagine a husband and children left wifeless and motherless... Abominable.
“Min Dhatal”, she said. Telimezh chose to interpret the accompanying wiggling of tentacles as being pleased.
“Min Dhatal, we believe that His Serenity would gladly create the position of Court Masseuse for you”, Telimezh declared. Gods knew that His Serenity could do with a massage.
Now the wiggling of tentacles was definitely pleased. She also changed color from an orangey-brown to an orangey-pink. A blush, perhaps? “Thank you, Lieutenant Telimezh!” she said. “Though we do think that we should practice our skills first, before we are to help His Serenity. Would you care for a massage?”
“Certainly”, Telimezh said, thinking of his stiff shoulders. Kiru had produced a balm that produced a hot-then-cold tingling sensation when rubbed on the skin, but that did not provide more than temporary reprieve.
“Remove your baldric, please, Lieutenant”, Min Dhatal said excitedly.
Telimezh complied with her instructions, stripping to the waist and then lying down on the massage bench.
The sensation of tentacles was odd, certainly. Min Dhatal was also an excellent masseuse, what with her tentacles being more bendable than human hands and her having more than two of them. Press by press, she found all the kinks in Telimezh's spine and tightnesses in his muscles, and slowly set them right. Telimezh lay down, enjoying the treatment, and occasionally making pleased noises.
By the time Min Dhatal was done, Telimezh was half-asleep. Relaxed and feeling better than he had since Dazhis' betrayal, Telimezh profusely thanked her and went to report his findings to His Serenity.
Happy alternative ending:
Telimezh opened the door with trepidation. The merchant had assured them all that his ware was both safe and relaxing, but someone still had to investigate more thoroughly before His Serenity would be allowed near. Some of his colleagues in the Untheileneise Guard had already done a cursory check of the room the merchant had installed his … apparatus? in, but had refused to report beyond it not being dangerous.
Telimezh scanned the room. The whitewash on the walls was fresh, and the only furniture in the room was a massage bench and a chest in the corner. The bench looked nonthreatening, so Telimezh chose to start his investigation with the chest.
He took two steps before a voice spoke, startling him hugely. “Hello? Are you here to investigate us?”
After he regained his composure and got his heart rate back under control, he saw that what he had thought was a chest was instead a large tank of water with a … thing inside. It had no ears or hair, but was instead an ovoid bulb with two mournful eyes and – Anmura’s balls, were those tentacles?
Telimezh fainted.
“Serenity, you shouldn’t enter the room,” Beshelar’s disapproving voice came out. “Especially if Lieutenant Telimezh hasn’t come out yet and there’s a racket within.”
Kiru sighed. “We’ll go in.”
Telimezh blinked in confusion as shape – Kiru? – shaded him. His head hurt.
“Ah. Concussion.” She became smaller. “He will require rest, Serenity.”
“How?” His Serenity asked. Based on the disapproving noises Beshelar and even Cala were making, he had come into the room. Telimezh tried to emulate Beshelar, but all that came out was a pitiful moan.
“Is he all right?” an unfamiliar voice asked. All the shadows near Telimezh went still. “We think he came here to investigate us, but he fainted. Will he be all right?”
“We believe he will be, ah…” His Serenity said.
“Min Dhatal of Clan Tsoghat. We were severed from our friends and loved ones forever by a Barizheise fisherman who then sold us to Mer Palmar. We believe he wanted to sell us to you.”
“But that’s slavery!” His Serenity exclaimed, obviously distressed. “I- we- that can’t be!”
“Perhaps you could be returned to your family, Min Thatal?” Cala asked.
“They will have moved far away,” she said morosely. “We have nowhere to go.”
“Would a paid post in the Court be something you’d like, or would you rather move elsewhere?” His Serenity asked, still concerned.
“You would hire us?” she asked. “Thank you! Thank you so much! Please, let us demonstrate our skills as a masseuse!”
Telimezh heard no more, for at that point some of his colleagues from the Untheileneise Guard came and lifted him off to his bed under Kiru’s direction.
DARKNESS alternative ending:
Telimezh opened the door with trepidation. The merchant had assured them all that his ware was both safe and relaxing, but someone still had to investigate more thoroughly before His Serenity would be allowed near. Some of his colleagues in the Untheileneise Guard had already done a cursory check of the room the merchant had installed his … apparatus? in, but had refused to report beyond it not being dangerous.
Telimezh scanned the room. The whitewash on the walls was fresh, and the only furniture in the room was a massage bench and a chest in the corner. The bench looked nonthreatening, so Telimezh chose to start his investigation with the chest.
He was at the chest before he realized his error: it was a tank of water with a thing inside.
Said thing grasped his wrists and neck. “Lookst just like Mer Palmar,” it said. “Knowest what Mer Palmar did to me?”
Telimezh tried to pull free and shake his head, but the creature’s grasp was relentless. Black spots appeared in his vision. He would-
The creature loosed its grip on his throat. Telimezh panted and sagged as much as he could against the tentacles around his wrists.
“We are Lieutenant Zharu Telimezh,” he said, voice hoarse. “We are Second Nohecharis to His Serenity Edrehasivar VII Zhas.”
“Oh, a servant,” the thing said. “Perhaps I’ll eat thy master next.”
In the split second after Telimezh heard its remark but before he could react appropriately and scream, his neck was once again grasped and he couldn’t get out a sound. He was dragged towards the tank. He squirmed and writhed and tried his best to wriggle out of the tentacles’ grasp, but only succeeded in cracking his head painfully against the tank’s edge.
Forgive me, Serenity, he thought as darkness encroached on his vision and strength seeped from his limbs.
Lieutenant Telimezh was late for duty. Beshelar disapproved. Telimezh had been conscentious before; why the lapse? Now they had to waste precious time searching for him.
“Where was he last seen?” he asked Lieutenant Drolta.
“He was sent to investigate that massage contraption Mer Palmar provided,” Drolta said. “Cirotar and Macunar did the preliminary approval and found it safe, but we suppose there would be no harm in starting there. Perhaps he fell asleep.”
“Massage contraption?” His Serenity asked. Beshelar was uncomfortable with him being part of the investigation, but either Beshelar must accompany him or he must accompany Beshelar. That was tradition.
“Your shoulders are stiff, Serenity,” Cala said soothingly. Cala was very good at being soothing. Beshelar occasionally envied him of that.
“Here we are,” Lieutenant Drolta said. “Lieutenant Telimezh entered this room. He might even have left it.”
“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Beshelar said, then peeked in. Ah, Drolta’s guess had been correct: Telimezh was sprawled on the floor, slee–
Wait.
There was blood. Lots of blood, and the scent of flesh, and there was no way Telimezh’s arm could be in that position if his feet were there and half his torso was missing–
“Art thou Edrehasivar?” a voice came from beyond Telimezh. “I wish to consume him.”
Beshelar screamed.
He abruptly discovered that the door was closed and he was on the other side of the corridor. Everyone else was looking at him wide-eyed.
“KILL IT WITH FIRE,” he said. “It wants to eat you, Serenity!” He bodily picked up His Serenity and ran towards the relative safety of the Alcethmeret, a confused Cala in his wake. Drolta was yelling orders at internal couriers, and soon Captain Orthema would be there to take charge of the situation and eliminate the threat to His Serenity.
Beshelar did not think he could sleep.
Now, one of the questions is, "provide an alternative ending to a fic of yours". The fic eventually chosen: Not in the Job Description. I wrote two alternative endings.
Original:
Telimezh opened the door with trepidation. The merchant had assured them all that his ware was both safe and relaxing, but someone still had to investigate more thoroughly before His Serenity would be allowed near. Some of his colleagues in the Untheileneise Guard had already done a cursory check of the room the merchant had installed his ... apparatus? in, but had refused to report beyond it not being dangerous.
Telimezh scanned the room. The whitewash on the walls was fresh, and the only furniture in the room was a massage bench and a chest in the corner. The bench looked nonthreatening, so Telimezh chose to start his investigation with the chest.
He took two steps before a voice spoke, startling him hugely. “Hello? Are you here to investigate us?”
After he regained his composure and got his heart rate back under control, he saw that what he had thought was a chest was instead a large tank of water with a ... thing inside. It had no ears or hair, but was instead an ovoid bulb with two mournful eyes and – Anmura's balls, were those tentacles? Truly, Telimezh had now seen it all.
“A merchant has sold His Serenity, Edrehasivar VII Zhas, something he claimed was both safe and extremely relaxing. The thing should be situated in this room. We don't suppose you would have noticed it?” Telimezh asked. Concentrate on the practicalities. The sensation of wrongness will subside; do your duty first. That's how he'd adapted to Kiru.
The thing wobbled its tentacles morosely. “Was the merchant perhaps Mer Palnar? We were caught from the sea by a goblin sailor who sold us to Mer Palnar. We have lived in this tank for months.”
That was certainly a complication. “We are certain that His Serenity could finance your return to the sea”, Telimezh said. He felt a twinge of guilt at making promises on behalf of His Serenity, but he was sure that His Serenity would fall over himself trying to get the creature to its home.
Again, morose wobbling of tentacles. “Our clan will have moved away by then. We would be doomed to a short, lonesome life, away from our kith and kin.” It seemed to deflate somewhat at being reminded of its sad fate.
“Perhaps a position at court?” Telimezh suggested. “Forgive us, we have been remiss in the social niceties. We are Lieutenant Zharu Telimezh, Second Nohecharis to His Serenity Edrehasivar VII Zhas.”
“We are Dhatal of Clan Tsoghat. Mer Palnar called us Thata.” Again, morose wobbling of tentacles. “We fear we have no useful skills. Mer Palnar intended for us to be a masseur, but we do not think such a position would be available.”
Telimezh tasted the unfamiliar sound at the start of Dhatal's name. “M- ah, would you be Mer Dhatal or Min Dhatal?” he asked, embarrassed. Hopefully not Merrem. Bad enough that Dhatal have been taken away from home; to imagine a husband and children left wifeless and motherless... Abominable.
“Min Dhatal”, she said. Telimezh chose to interpret the accompanying wiggling of tentacles as being pleased.
“Min Dhatal, we believe that His Serenity would gladly create the position of Court Masseuse for you”, Telimezh declared. Gods knew that His Serenity could do with a massage.
Now the wiggling of tentacles was definitely pleased. She also changed color from an orangey-brown to an orangey-pink. A blush, perhaps? “Thank you, Lieutenant Telimezh!” she said. “Though we do think that we should practice our skills first, before we are to help His Serenity. Would you care for a massage?”
“Certainly”, Telimezh said, thinking of his stiff shoulders. Kiru had produced a balm that produced a hot-then-cold tingling sensation when rubbed on the skin, but that did not provide more than temporary reprieve.
“Remove your baldric, please, Lieutenant”, Min Dhatal said excitedly.
Telimezh complied with her instructions, stripping to the waist and then lying down on the massage bench.
The sensation of tentacles was odd, certainly. Min Dhatal was also an excellent masseuse, what with her tentacles being more bendable than human hands and her having more than two of them. Press by press, she found all the kinks in Telimezh's spine and tightnesses in his muscles, and slowly set them right. Telimezh lay down, enjoying the treatment, and occasionally making pleased noises.
By the time Min Dhatal was done, Telimezh was half-asleep. Relaxed and feeling better than he had since Dazhis' betrayal, Telimezh profusely thanked her and went to report his findings to His Serenity.
Happy alternative ending:
Telimezh opened the door with trepidation. The merchant had assured them all that his ware was both safe and relaxing, but someone still had to investigate more thoroughly before His Serenity would be allowed near. Some of his colleagues in the Untheileneise Guard had already done a cursory check of the room the merchant had installed his … apparatus? in, but had refused to report beyond it not being dangerous.
Telimezh scanned the room. The whitewash on the walls was fresh, and the only furniture in the room was a massage bench and a chest in the corner. The bench looked nonthreatening, so Telimezh chose to start his investigation with the chest.
He took two steps before a voice spoke, startling him hugely. “Hello? Are you here to investigate us?”
After he regained his composure and got his heart rate back under control, he saw that what he had thought was a chest was instead a large tank of water with a … thing inside. It had no ears or hair, but was instead an ovoid bulb with two mournful eyes and – Anmura’s balls, were those tentacles?
Telimezh fainted.
“Serenity, you shouldn’t enter the room,” Beshelar’s disapproving voice came out. “Especially if Lieutenant Telimezh hasn’t come out yet and there’s a racket within.”
Kiru sighed. “We’ll go in.”
Telimezh blinked in confusion as shape – Kiru? – shaded him. His head hurt.
“Ah. Concussion.” She became smaller. “He will require rest, Serenity.”
“How?” His Serenity asked. Based on the disapproving noises Beshelar and even Cala were making, he had come into the room. Telimezh tried to emulate Beshelar, but all that came out was a pitiful moan.
“Is he all right?” an unfamiliar voice asked. All the shadows near Telimezh went still. “We think he came here to investigate us, but he fainted. Will he be all right?”
“We believe he will be, ah…” His Serenity said.
“Min Dhatal of Clan Tsoghat. We were severed from our friends and loved ones forever by a Barizheise fisherman who then sold us to Mer Palmar. We believe he wanted to sell us to you.”
“But that’s slavery!” His Serenity exclaimed, obviously distressed. “I- we- that can’t be!”
“Perhaps you could be returned to your family, Min Thatal?” Cala asked.
“They will have moved far away,” she said morosely. “We have nowhere to go.”
“Would a paid post in the Court be something you’d like, or would you rather move elsewhere?” His Serenity asked, still concerned.
“You would hire us?” she asked. “Thank you! Thank you so much! Please, let us demonstrate our skills as a masseuse!”
Telimezh heard no more, for at that point some of his colleagues from the Untheileneise Guard came and lifted him off to his bed under Kiru’s direction.
DARKNESS alternative ending:
Telimezh opened the door with trepidation. The merchant had assured them all that his ware was both safe and relaxing, but someone still had to investigate more thoroughly before His Serenity would be allowed near. Some of his colleagues in the Untheileneise Guard had already done a cursory check of the room the merchant had installed his … apparatus? in, but had refused to report beyond it not being dangerous.
Telimezh scanned the room. The whitewash on the walls was fresh, and the only furniture in the room was a massage bench and a chest in the corner. The bench looked nonthreatening, so Telimezh chose to start his investigation with the chest.
He was at the chest before he realized his error: it was a tank of water with a thing inside.
Said thing grasped his wrists and neck. “Lookst just like Mer Palmar,” it said. “Knowest what Mer Palmar did to me?”
Telimezh tried to pull free and shake his head, but the creature’s grasp was relentless. Black spots appeared in his vision. He would-
The creature loosed its grip on his throat. Telimezh panted and sagged as much as he could against the tentacles around his wrists.
“We are Lieutenant Zharu Telimezh,” he said, voice hoarse. “We are Second Nohecharis to His Serenity Edrehasivar VII Zhas.”
“Oh, a servant,” the thing said. “Perhaps I’ll eat thy master next.”
In the split second after Telimezh heard its remark but before he could react appropriately and scream, his neck was once again grasped and he couldn’t get out a sound. He was dragged towards the tank. He squirmed and writhed and tried his best to wriggle out of the tentacles’ grasp, but only succeeded in cracking his head painfully against the tank’s edge.
Forgive me, Serenity, he thought as darkness encroached on his vision and strength seeped from his limbs.
Lieutenant Telimezh was late for duty. Beshelar disapproved. Telimezh had been conscentious before; why the lapse? Now they had to waste precious time searching for him.
“Where was he last seen?” he asked Lieutenant Drolta.
“He was sent to investigate that massage contraption Mer Palmar provided,” Drolta said. “Cirotar and Macunar did the preliminary approval and found it safe, but we suppose there would be no harm in starting there. Perhaps he fell asleep.”
“Massage contraption?” His Serenity asked. Beshelar was uncomfortable with him being part of the investigation, but either Beshelar must accompany him or he must accompany Beshelar. That was tradition.
“Your shoulders are stiff, Serenity,” Cala said soothingly. Cala was very good at being soothing. Beshelar occasionally envied him of that.
“Here we are,” Lieutenant Drolta said. “Lieutenant Telimezh entered this room. He might even have left it.”
“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Beshelar said, then peeked in. Ah, Drolta’s guess had been correct: Telimezh was sprawled on the floor, slee–
Wait.
There was blood. Lots of blood, and the scent of flesh, and there was no way Telimezh’s arm could be in that position if his feet were there and half his torso was missing–
“Art thou Edrehasivar?” a voice came from beyond Telimezh. “I wish to consume him.”
Beshelar screamed.
He abruptly discovered that the door was closed and he was on the other side of the corridor. Everyone else was looking at him wide-eyed.
“KILL IT WITH FIRE,” he said. “It wants to eat you, Serenity!” He bodily picked up His Serenity and ran towards the relative safety of the Alcethmeret, a confused Cala in his wake. Drolta was yelling orders at internal couriers, and soon Captain Orthema would be there to take charge of the situation and eliminate the threat to His Serenity.
Beshelar did not think he could sleep.