2018a: Retrospective

[extrapenguin]

Because as I said, I write in two arcs, mostly, and dealing with a whole year's crop is too much. An even more pared-down version of isis's 2016 in review post, this time with just the fave lines/titles, plus the questions at the end. Also some misc blathering about all the fics I've written so far!

Current word count: 64838 words this half-year, which is way way more than in any of the full years prior to this, wtf. Spread over 8 fics. (Average ~8105 words per fic. Longest 31006, shortest 655, not gonna do a stats analysis of the distribution with only 8 items, sorry.)

First up is Through Wing and Snow and Hardship, 1.4k of G-rated KOTOR Juhani/f!Revan for my space_swap modprentice, platinum_firebird. Very much pulling teeth, despite the fact I had a solid idea, because I was also working on #2 on the list at the same time. It's got little depictions of intimacy, and deals with winter, which seem to be present in a lot of things I write. Also a, well, cat personality person in a relationship. The title is a thing I came up with myself, and it's decent enough as a summary of their relationship and also the fic. The summary, on the other hand, is plain to a fault.

At the same time, I was writing Heaven and Earth, 31k of E-rated Modao Zushi Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang. Looking at this and TWSH, yeah, I ... definitely have a way of writing cat personality people who're all "cater to meee". I'd argue that neither Xue Yang nor Juhani are OOC, but this is a revelation of sorts. In any case, this was a definite level-up, since it's a fucking novella according to the Hugo and Nebula Awards categories, and not a short one at that. (Novella 17.5k to <40k.) Before this one, I'd never gotten out of short story length. My prose-level writing might've leveled up as well, since my prose has started receiving compliments! I have figured out how description works, and where it's necessary! I also figured out how to work with an outline! (Sure, it's more [thing happens] [insert scene] [insert witty remark] than anything detailed, but: a plan. And nonlinear writing, now.) It's probably years of poetry-writing and paying attention to language finally bearing fruit; I've always received remarks on how precise my metaphors and similes are, but now they are also beautiful.

I started writing on the 8th of March, and sent a bunch of stuff over to @armadda (paperfeathers) on Discord in PMs for betaing. First scene, original version:

Xue Yang thought he smelled less alluring and more like he needed to bathe, but the look in Jin Guangshan's eyes had left no room for objections. Perhaps liking smells was just an alpha thing.

He heard his targets laugh. Finding them by sight was impossible in the thick bamboo, but their campfire crackled faintly and their conversation occasionally rose up, so he made it to the small clearing with minimal circling and backtracking. They'd heard him, obviously, so he got to his assignment and sashayed closer. A bit of waist movement to stimulate the imagination on how else the waist could move, a bashful expression of omega innocence to give birth to desires of conquering and corruption, and Sect Leader Jin had said something about what to do with his hands but damn if he could remember what. He almost tripped over his own feet and into the fire, but caught himself just in time.

How were omegas supposed to bow, anyway? Xue Yang desperately tried to recall the one time he'd seen the Sect Leader's wife greet her husband; if the imitation failed, at least he hadn't implied anything about his marital status.

He nodded to his targets in turn. "Song Zichen, Xiao Xingchen. Greetings. I'm Xue Chengmei of the Jin Sect. May I join you?"

They glanced at each other. Song Zichen indicated to the ground beside him. "Please."

Xue Yang obediently sat next to Song Zichen, then made eye contact with Xiao Xingchen and bit his lip. Was this supposed to work? Why were all the seductive things he'd heard and read about so ridiculous to perform? Did they only work because alphas were stupid? "I heard you two were in the region," he said inanely and tried to turn the nervous laughter into a smile. He wasn't quite sure of his success so he ducked his face.

A moment later, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Song Zichen was staring at him consideringly. Up close, the severe line of his mouth looked softer and there was a hint of something in his dark phoenix eyes. The jet-black hair framed his face into something sublime, and apparently Xue Yang did have a sense of smell, for Song Zichen smelled like Xue Yang should burrow his head into the other's robes and never leave. A small "oh" escaped his mouth.

Tearing his eyes away from Song Zichen's face was hard, but revealed that Xiao Xingchen had an identical considering expression.

"I understand you're interested in both of us?" Xiao Xingchen asked.

"I- yes. Yes." Would they kill each other now? Jin Guangshan said they would. Then again, maybe it was only Jin Guangshan who'd try to kill another alpha. Maybe Daozhangs Xiao and Song would engage in a civil conversation, or cast lots, or go by seniority, or maybe one of them already had a betrothed-

Song Zichen pulled him into his lap. "You look quite striking in your sect robes."

"Does he smell as good as he looks?" Xiao Xingchen asked. Xue Yang glimpsed him rising up.

"Better." Song Zichen bent over to nuzzle at the crook of Xue Yang's neck, then lifted him up and kissed him. Xue Yang's mouth opened in surprise, and Song Zichen deepened the kiss, his tongue caressing Xue Yang's in a way that had Xue Yang keening with shivers running down his spine.

"May I?" Xiao Xingchen asked. His voice was darker than it had been, but not with anger. Xue Yang was left panting by Song Zichen and then lightly pushed over to where Xiao Xingchen's mouth awaited for a similarly obscene kiss. A hand – Xiao Xingchen's? – slowly slid up the inner edge of Xue Yang's thigh, and he had to grip Song Zichen's robes to stay up properly as the man himself started nibbling up his neck. He could feel himself getting slick and his skin felt like it was burning with blood.

"Can you take both of us?" Song Zichen whispered in his ear. With that tone of voice, Xue Yang would have agreed to anything, so he first made sounds of assent and then said "Yes!" around Xiao Xingchen's tongue, which prompted Xiao Xingchen to break off with a chuckle and press a kiss to the bridge of Xue Yang's nose instead.

At that point, I went to sleep and continued the next night. The things that changed between the original version and the published version were 1. I dumped the terms alpha/beta/omega for qianyuan/zhongyong/kunze (because, to quote chromemuffin, "wow does it do wonders for the immersion/world building to not suddenly have random Greek in the middle of Ancient China"), and 2. I added some extra explanation at the start. The part of the fic that changed the most was the place where Xue Yang revealed what happened to his finger: it was originally in the morning-after, but armadda told me I was being an idiot and I should place it much, much later. (In my defense, I thought this'd be way less than 10k. I was wrong on that as well.)

I also discovered the optimal way to write long stuff: "publish as I go" by badgering poor armadda's inbox, then finish the thing, rearrange and rewrite if necessary, and post the completed thing in chunks as I go over the final proof of spellcheck and elegance – rewrite bits where I used the same word two times in a row, etc, as well as a bunch of last-minute figuring out even more witty stuff for the witty characters to say! Xue Yang was a bit of a square before about 5 minutes before posting, lol.

This was the first omegaverse thing I've written! I never thought I'd write omegaverse anything, but there's a first time for anything, I guess. (I don't really like a bunch of the worldbuilding takes on it I see, but if I'm the author, I'm in control, and I can make it like I like!) And here I am, plotting some more omegaverse stuff and even kidfic. Sigh. I also never thought I'd write a threesome, but mine got praise for being equilateral (due to armadda pointing out that I needed to strengthen the Xingchen/Xue Yang leg; Song Lan is my fave so of course I oversold the stuff involving him). The title is me giving up on finding a Chinese phrase on MDBG that made sense/sounded right in English. I started with 乾坤 (qiánkūn; same qian and kun as in qianyuan and kunze) and wanted to find something similar, so let's all agree it's a reference to 扭转乾坤 ("to upend heaven and earth") or 旋乾转坤 ("overturning heaven and earth"), since Xue Yang's actions lead to quite the change from canon.

After that, I signed up for jukebox_fest, and wrote Snow Over Old Tracks, 2.8k of T-rated origfic M/M for shadowsapiens. I had a bit of trouble coming up with names for the characters, and I admit to basing the magic system on Path of Exile, but hey, it worked! I basically looked at shadow's prompts and likes and wrote her the tropiest thing that checked off as many of her likes as possible. Again, some praise of the words I wrote, and my manner of minimal setup. It works well enough for short stories, though I shall have to remember to be more verbose in my longer works. The title is something I came up with myself, and it reflects both the winter setting and the fact that the past is being left behind. The fic's got the winter/cold throughline and also something of the interaction of light with matter.

While on a break of sorts and on my laptop, I dashed off When the Honor Comes too Late, 1.2k of T-rated Modao Zushi gen. I liked the repetition of the lines of the prologue, so I thought "what if Mo Xuanyu didn't succeed?" and continued further into nothing happening. The greatest thought went to naming the dude who discovers Wei Wuxian, since I wanted to hold out the laurel of reincarnation romance. :P Cang Haiyan's surname 苍 means "blue", as does Lan Wangji's 蓝; his zi 海晏 comes from 河清海晏 "the Yellow River is clear and the sea is calm", an idiom for "the world is at peace"; Lan Wangji's 忘机 means "at peace with the world". (忘机 also means "free of worldly concerns", so 解脱 "to free oneself of worldly worries" + 青 "green or blue" would yield another discount Lan Wangji called Qing Jietuo.) The title comes from Sarah Williams' The Old Astronomer, one of my favorite poems.

I continued with Date of Rebirth, 7.8k of E-rated Modao Zushi Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen. The second thing of mine ever to reach beyond short story status! This one's a novellette. It's also on occasion almost OTT angst, and Song Lan gets to mope in beautiful prose. Some traces of winter, but it's more of the thawing of spring to go with the thawing of Xingchen's life. I honestly hated this fic a bit by the time I was done, since it took forever due reasons unrelated to the fic, plus Song Lan would. not. stop. being nauseatingly cute with Xingchen, and I wanted to get them to leave the place with A-Qing and end the fic without taking another 5k for them to smooch each other's noses. Apparently, I did good work with Xingchen's issues! And my Modao Zushi fics keep getting more and more poetic, lol. The title is from the Ghost in the Shell OST; Date of Rebirth lyrics & song. Ghost in the Shell SAC OSTs have a lot of nice, title-worthy lyrics I fully intend to pilfer elsewhere.

Then, just as I was settling for only having written my assignment for Jukebox, I had a fit of last-moment treating and wrote two things. Alarms Will Ring for Eternity is 1k of T-rated origfic gen for Panny. As always, naming the protagonist took some time, but browsing 20 000 names' special categories' Victim Names gave to me Chila, "Hebrew name meaning ‘anguish, pain’ or ‘army, warrior’, and decided that it fit my protag as well as anything, in both its meanings, and sounded pretty to boot, so that's what I went with. The character herself shares a lot with Wei Wuxian, which should be no surprise to anyone looking at what I'm currently fannish about. I like necromancers a lot now, and it fit the song, so necromancy it was, with a side of ExtraPenguin's Favorite Type of Female Character in the competence and determination. The concept of breath came from the offhand mention of breathing plus the Finnish word for breath also being the one for spirit, with all the attending connotations. Then I went with soul-breath dualism as a quick "fuck it, let's run with it", and I wrote 1k in an hour with zero troubles. Very fun! The title is from the song the fic is based on.

The other quick thing was And All is Wasted on the Land, 655 words of T-rated origfic gen for psychomachia. It was much harder to write, despite being shorter, and I decided not to name the protagonist. This one was much more minimal, more of a skeleton sketch of a world for people to hang their favorite drapings on, and it's nice to see I haven't lost the talent. The title is a line from the song the fic is based on, "and all is wasted on the shore", slightly modified.

The final fic of the half-year, Babbling Brook, Silent Sea, is 19k of T-rated Modao Zushi (though perhaps readable without knowledge of either fandom) Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian with bonus Lan Wangji & his messed-up family. It's a fusion (setting-change AU) with Memory of Water, and the second novella of the year! I wrote the first scene on the 3rd of May (here on DW), but didn't really start writing the fic until the 10th. I chose to stay at the T rating to make the intimacy of our protagonists even more fraught and fragile, and it worked. It's about silences, and water, and weather, and I am reasonably happy with my AU Lan Wangji. It also had a major "what is this about" change; I thought I was writing a get-together, but it ended up being about Lan Wangji and his family, so scene #2, with Lan-dad telling Wangji not to tell everything to the government? Originally way back, after the Scheherazade bit, and had no mentions of Lan Wangji's mom. It was also supposed to be about language, but didn't really go there, unfortunately, but did manage to include some of the intended feeling of unmooredness experienced by the diaspora. Also a sort of conversation with myself about being Finnish; I don't really get many opportunities to do that with actual real Finland rather than simply subbing in another place. The title is a thing I came up with myself, to reflect the poetry and the water-ness and Wei Wuxian's babbling.

Favorite title:
When the Honor Comes too Late, since, well, the honor came too late, so it fits it to a T, and it has a nice rhythm.

Favorite opening line:
Zin Rihks had committed a terrible error in judgment from Snow Over Old Tracks, or perhaps The first question she’d asked was “And what about outside the Sea?” from And All is Wasted on the Land. Both are solid hooks, not too long and not too short, and fit with/foreshadow the rest of the fic, both Zin having made an error in judgment of Leshuo s’Tarakhi and our sea person going onto the land. In general, looking at these, my opening lines may be more workmanlike than anything, but my opening paragraphs are solid and often even appealing.

Favorite closing line:
It loomed white and featureless in the starry sky, the slight fuzziness at its edges the only visible indication of the atmosphere around it, from Through Wind and Snow and Hardship, actually! There are others that are more gut-punch-y or Happily Ever After, but this one is a nice reminder of how small we all are in the universe, a looming specter in the rear view mirror, and a reminder that in the vastness of the empty cosmos, we can leave behind anything.

Favorite line from anywhere:
HOW DO I EVEN START. Well, obviously by excluding the 31k of Heaven and Earth, since it's not in fresh memory and I'm not rereading the entire thing for this thingy, it'd take over two hours, but beyond that:
It was a remarkably pleasant day to be a soulless not-quite-corpse, broken and dying on the ocean rocks (Alarms Will Ring for Eternity) is an excellent candidate for its sheer WTFery and the contrast within it.
The cave was lit with refractions through the ice, lines of light and dark painting a transient picture that fizzled out with the fireball (Snow Over Old Tracks) and
Lan Wangji was momentarily entranced by the inky shadow fluid against the twilit sky, rendered eerie by the human eye's dark vision being too slow to keep up with his movements (Babbling Brook, Silent Sea) are perhaps the best lines that describe vividly something that one can see; one deals with light in the darkness, one with darkness in the meager light.
He looked and sounded like a wind-up toy in dire need of re-winding (Snow Over Old Tracks) is the most evocative description of a person, and I like it for the tone it suggests, that with just a bit of re-winding, Leshuo will be good as new, but now he's running out of steam.
“Because I've found you, and that happiness is greater than any regret I might feel” (Date of Rebirth) is the best line of dialogue here, for it's in character, and very sincere and evocative and breathtaking.
If we're going for sheer density of pretty-sounding and poetically evocative lines, Babbling Brook, Silent Sea takes the cake, and should be readable even if one doesn't know either source.