please come tl;dr at me about Shen Wei

[extrapenguin]

I need to figure out stuff about Ye Zun, and [spoilers], but also stuff about Shen Wei! Since having other people say things about the thing is in general a productive way for me to acquire thoughts, I now invite your opinions on Shen Wei and secrecy. He's trying to tell Zhao Yunlan the absolute minimum to protect him and also the timeline, yes, but in a divergent scenario where he was unavoidably associated with Zhao Yunlan, how much would he tell? What do you think is the core of the (over)protectiveness and secrecy? What is the root of his nondisclosure?

Comments

[phyrry]

For understanding the secrecy and the stonewalling, I go back to the image of bby!SW and YZ struggling along. Shen Wei is the older twin and he's responsible for his sickly little brother, right? They don't have parents, they don't have anyone to care for them, and so he's taken on the role of the caregiver (parentification) when he hasn't even hit puberty yet.

And he never lets that go.

Ye Zun gets taken away, Shen Wei ends up parenting Dixing: first in Ma Gui's alliance, later in the Regent's hellish prison of torment. When he meets Zhao Yunlan, Shen Wei doesn't know how to share responsibility. He's always been responsible for caring for everyone else, and he has no idea how to let anyone else care for him. Because no one has, for a very long time.

That scene in episode 27, where Zhao Yunlan sees Shen Wei having lunch with his dad and asks "WTF dude??", fits right in. Shen Wei has no reason to lie here, but he does anyway. Why? Because he is used to taking responsibility for managing other peoples' lives, and he is not used to other people giving a damn about him. It doesn't even cross his mind that Zhao Yunlan wants to share that load.

So of course he keeps secrets. Someone has to keep track of everything, and that person is him, and no one will ever, ever help him.

(Zhao Yunlan really has his work cut out for him with this guy.)

[Mandatory disclaimer: This could be just me projecting my own issues on Shen Wei, who knows. But I think it fits.]

[mecurtin]

I co-sign all your good thinky thoughts. Good point about the Lunch with Dad scene, where SW has indeed *no reason to lie* about what we see (it's possible he also had a talk with Zhang Shi that he might want to conceal).

[extrapenguin]

Thank you for the meaty comment! Yes, I do think it all fits. (Poor thing.) Here, Shen Wei has been invited as a guest to Zhao Yunlan's recently cleaned home, and is still a bit at sea re: this whole soulmate thing, so maybe Zhao Yunlan can get him to relax a bit. Maybe.

Because he is used to taking responsibility for managing other peoples' lives, and he is not used to other people giving a damn about him. It doesn't even cross his mind that Zhao Yunlan wants to share that load.
I suspect that this'll become a series, so there'll be more chances to show him that yes, Zhao Yunlan wants to share, and he's not alone. The soulmate thing and popular conceptions of it would also help. Do you think he'd become more like bb Shen Wei (open, trusting, etc) if he realized he didn't have to go it alone?

[phyrry]

I do! I had a whole 'nother comment I deleted because I realized I'm not sure how much I believe it -- but fwiw, focused on the Fridge Incident in ep08 as a pivot from 'this man can be trusted' to 'you are an actual child aren't you'. (Available upon request since I save everything like an anxious magpie.)

But basically: yes. If Shen Wei can figure out that, (1), Zhao Yunlan is dependable, and (2), SW feels safe enough with ZYL to learn how to trust him, then he's quite capable of opening up and learning adult relational skills. (And then he has to overwrite his existing habit of 'doing everything on his own and lying about it' with honesty and openness and teamwork, which mostly involves fucking up practice.)

People go through this all the time in their first few (or many) relationships, with variable success. But I think what Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan have going for them that a lot of folks don't is their rock-solid mutual respect and admiration, and that goes a long way. The death knell for a partnership is contempt.

[extrapenguin]

No problem - I have e-mail notifs on so I did get to read it! FWIW, re-thinking the early interactions, I think I agree that the Fridge Incident was a turning point. Thus, my AU will have no fridge incidents, only Zhao Yunlan furiously cleaning his apartment so the Envoy doesn't think he's a slob and run away, soulmateness be damned.

If Shen Wei can figure out that, (1), Zhao Yunlan is dependable, and (2), SW feels safe enough with ZYL to learn how to trust him,
We agree so much on Shen Wei that talking to you is like talking to a version of me who has their shit better together! *g* Now I just need to figure out ways for Shen Wei to figure out that Yunlan is dependable... (In the other WIP, Shen Wei is gradually pushed towards a huge crisis where he just doesn't have the brain to deal with everything anymore and, noticing that Yunlan picked up the slack, tries this "trust" thing to positive effect. Here, I want something less traumatic for poor Shen Wei, who's suffered enough already.)

[phyrry]

I think it would be hilarious and adorable if ZYL having a clean apartment was the extra nudge that helped SW settle down inside and say, "Huh, maybe this will work."

Glad my rambling was helpful to you!

♥️♥️♥️

[extrapenguin]

That would indeed be hilarious! Though in general I think I'll not touch that much on that, and instead maybe have them argue about Zhao Yunlan's inability/unwillingness to cook. And bring up his upper civil servant's salary in relation to that. He's rich, he can afford it all, yes even the healthy trendy places, and also an adult capable of making decisions for himself, stop being such a worrywart! Let them have an argument about it, even if it's a small one.

[phyrry]

Yessss, also good!