translation sucks actually

[extrapenguin]

I decided to make a vid premiere for vidukon_cardiff's Eurovision vid show (vids where vidder, source, and/or music is European) and make it to non-English music! However, this means I have to subtitle it. And I am regretting all of my life choices. Plz send halp. (Translation halp and flow-in-English halp both appreciated.)

Song on YouTube

Original	English
Mä tiedän pimeässä	I know in the darkness
Henget on väijymässä	spirits are lurking
Ei ei, pelkää en kuitenkaan	No no, I'm not afraid anyhow
Tiedän mun sängyn alla	I know beneath my bed
Ois töitä manaajalla	there'd be work for an exorcist
Silti mä unesta kiinni saan	Still I catch sleep
Tulkoon mitä vaan	Come what may
En murehtimaan en tänään jää kuitenkaan	I won't be worrying today, after all
Mä selän käännän pimeydelle	I turn my back to the darkness
Pahan pyyhin pois	Wipe the evil away
Miksi luotu ihmiselle taakka surusta ois?	Why would a burden of sorrows be created for man?
Mä ohdakkeet pois tieltä taitan	I bend the briars away
Pääsen vapauteen	and reach freedom
Ne roviooni maahan laitan	I put them on my pyre on the ground
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so
Se yön valaisee	It illuminates the night
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so
Mä tiedän että tuolla	I know that there
Vaanivat sudet suolla	Wolves lurk at the swamp
Hei hei, mua ette kiinni saa	Bye-bye, you can't catch me
Kuolema käy maantiellä	Death walks on the highway
Viikate viuhuu siellä	Swings its scythe there
Ei ei, kyytiin en nousekaan	No no, I won't hop on
Tulkoon mitä vaan	Come what may
En murehtimaan en tänään jää kuitenkaan	I won't be worrying today, after all
Mä selän käännän pimeydelle	I turn my back to the darkness
Pahan pyyhin pois	Wipe the evil away
Miksi luotu ihmiselle taakka surusta ois?	Why would a burden of sorrows be created for man?
Mä ohdakkeet pois tieltä taitan	I bend the briars away
Pääsen vapauteen	and reach freedom
Ne roviooni maahan laitan	I put them on my pyre on the ground
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so
Se yön valaisee	It illuminates the night
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so
Tulkoon mitä vaan	Come what may
En murehtimaan en tänään jää	I won't be worrying today
Tulkoon mitä vaan	Come what may
En murehtimaan en tänään jää kuitenkaan	I won't be worrying today, after all
Mä selän käännän pimeydelle	I turn my back to the darkness
Pahan pyyhin pois	Wipe the evil away
Miksi luotu ihmiselle taakka surusta ois?	Why would a burden of sorrows be created for man?
Mä ohdakkeet pois tieltä taitan	I bend the briars away
Pääsen vapauteen	and reach freedom
Ne roviooni maahan laitan	I put them on my pyre on the ground
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so
Se yön valaisee	It illuminates the night
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so
Se yön valaisee	It illuminates the night
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so
Se yön valaisee	It illuminates the night
Niin tuleni teen	I make my fire so

General help especially with these lines:

Miksi luotu ihmiselle taakka surusta ois? Literally it's more "why would a burden of sorrows have been created for a human?" but it doesn't really work in English due to the fact that the original has both the "human" and "humankind" meanings, which only happen in English by gendering it as man.

Niin tuleni teen "Niin" is one of those Finnish words with about ten billion translations. The literal translation would be "That is the way in which I make my fire", but I want English, not translationese. "I make my fire so"? "Thus I make my fire"? "I make my fire thus"?

En murehtimaan en tänään jää kuitenkaan "En murehtimaan" = "I won't be worrying" (roughly; the grammatical form doesn't really match English); "en tänään" = "I won't today" (or "not today", but the 1st person sg is explicitly included); "jää" = "stay"; "kuitenkaan" = ... a lot of things. "Regardless", "anyway", "however"... I think "after all" is the best here but uh urgh.

Ei ei, pelkää en kuitenkaan. The start is simple – "No no" – but again "kuitenkaan" is there to cause me problems on purpose. "I'm not afraid, however"? "I'm not afraid anyhow"? "I'm not afraid regardless"? Urgh.

Comments

[extrapenguin]

I was hoping you'd turn up!

My main challenge with this is that I want to make each line as short and digestible as possible, since the point of the vid is the spectacle of the visual footage, and I don't want to distract the viewers by making them read a paragraph. The original lyrics are also very much in a space of elegance through conciseness that I'd love to preserve, even if it slips between more colloquial ("mun sängyn alla", "hei hei, mua ette kiinni saa") and formal/elegant ("tulkoon mitä vaan", "miksi luotu ihmiselle taakka surusta ois").

I think I rejected "anyway" out of concerns that "Come what may, I won't be worrying today, anyway" would sound corny due to the fact that today and anyway are in immediate proximity and rhyme. (Even if it would preserve the rhyme scheme of "Tulkoon mitä vaan, en murehtimaan, en tänään jää kuitenkaan".) Was I being overly cautious?

I feel like I want to go in the opposite direction wrt creative interpretation for the burden of sorrows line. "Why would anyone have been given a burden of sorrows?" except that's missing the creation aspect. Why is the line that is the heart of the matter so hard to translate???? It's about rejecting the weight of sorrows and bitterness and letting go. The question is rhetorical. The vid isn't about OT Luke Skywalker but the song would completely fit. "Why would a burden of sorrows have been created for someone?"

If you wanted a perfect Japanese equivalent I could give you one, but English, as you say, uh urgh
Always an excellent feeling. I remember my Chinese teacher trying to explain 行 xíng and its meanings to us in English and I was all "Oh. It's käydä." It's funny how languages so geographically distant can both roll to walk, to visit, and OK! into one verb.

[nnozomi]

I was hoping you'd turn up!
<3 I don't think I was much help, but you definitely know how to grab my interest :)

The original lyrics are also very much in a space of elegance through conciseness that I'd love to preserve,
Oh yeah, I see. (English seems to be the only language that's so bad at this...)

concerns that "Come what may, I won't be worrying today, anyway" would sound corny due to the fact that today and anyway are in immediate proximity and rhyme. (Even if it would preserve the rhyme scheme of "Tulkoon mitä vaan, en murehtimaan, en tänään jää kuitenkaan".) Was I being overly cautious?
I actually kind of like the rhyme there, although of course I don't have the original song in my head, which may make a difference to the mood.

It's about rejecting the weight of sorrows and bitterness and letting go. The question is rhetorical. The vid isn't about OT Luke Skywalker but the song would completely fit. "Why would a burden of sorrows have been created for someone?"
Oh man, this is so hard, and so interesting. It's hard in English because it would be shorter in the active voice, but we don't know who did the creating... "Why was this burden of grief created for us?" "What gave shape to the burden of sorrows we humans bear?" "Why is our burden of grief shaped thus?" just riffing.

I was all "Oh. It's käydä." It's funny how languages so geographically distant can both roll to walk, to visit, and OK! into one verb.
Ooh neat! (Even neater if I could pronounce the Finnish word, but that's an issue for another day.) While Chinese is another story, aren't Japanese and Finnish supposed to be ultra-distant cousins?

[extrapenguin]

WRT English not doing laconic elegance, I wonder if this is all due to the traditions of opetic/elevated modes? Like, English elevated speech is based on loquaciousness and latinate vocabulary, so there is no readymade space of laconic elegance which people can use as a model when translating.

of course I don't have the original song in my head, which may make a difference to the mood
I forgot to link it? Oops! Uh, here's the song on YT.

While Chinese is another story, aren't Japanese and Finnish supposed to be ultra-distant cousins?
I'm not sure if they're actual cousins of any sort, but Uralic at least is typologically Siberian/North Pacific (Uralic languages, like Finnish, came to Europe from the East), and I wouldn't be surprised if Japanese were as well. This review article discusses Uralic typology and the Uralic urheimat in addition to early contact with Indo-European.