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extrapenguinI referred to my earlier first and last lines memes on chat, and, well, here we are, doing an analysis trade. While I have a fever. Please excuse my incoherence.
Swan Mountain
It was not about pain.
Standing in its own paragraph, a very arresting line. What is "it" and why is it painful, yet not about pain?
Because everyone dies alone.
A disturbing line for a disturbing fic. If I'm reading this correctly, it means that Tethimar wishes to injure Csevet to the point of death, but just leave Csevet to die alone, which ... I'd have thought that Tethimar would be the type to enjoy watching the life slip out of his prey's eyes. Probably the weakest line in the fic, though that's not saying much.
A Tale of Two Emperors
“Belmaliven the V., coming to the throne after the sudden death of his brother, Belmaliven IV., had felt the succession amply secured by his two nephews and had not divorced his beloved but barren wife. In the second year of his reign he was deposed and murdered by "supporters" of his elder nephew, who was crowned as Belvesena IX., and survived as sickly puppet for six years, before in turn was ousted by his brother Belmaliven VI.”
Yes I know it's a paragraph, shh. SPAG note: there is no period intrinsically after Roman numerals, and Roman numerals include the whole "the x-th" thing, so it should be "Belmaliven V, ..." and "... Belmaliven IV ..."
A well-used quote of the canon, setting the scene, and informing up of whom the tales will be about.
He looked at Maia and gave a predatory smile. "Now tell us, who was the hundred and eighty-ninth emperor of the Elflands and exactly when did he rule?"
An effective callback to Setheris' tale, as well as Chenelo's version. Reinforces Setheris as an asshole, and does it well.
News Flies to Edonomee
The Wisdom of Choharo was running late on its voyage back from Thu-Athamar, and already there were midnight whispers of a crash, a terrible tragedy that took the life of the emperor and his three sons, but no one dared to believe it, or repeat the dark suspicions openly – until the pneumatic came.
A long line, and I <3 the strategic use of the em-dash. Establishes that this is a canon retelling, and elaborates on canon even here.
“It shall be as Your Serenity wishes,” he said instead, straightening. His heart sang, as he pulled out his pocket watch. “We will begin with… luncheon.”
Congratulations on finding a quote from canon that WORKS AS A CONCLUSION, albeit more of an "end of this chapter, start of the next" one than "the book ends, wait a few years for the sequel" one. Endings are already hard, and IMO retelling the whole book from Csevet's POV would've been ... excessive.
The Owl and the Suncat
It is one of those rare evenings when Csevet is free to do as he pleases -- and as on every such occasion, he decides to go to The Owl and the Suncat, the cozy tavern frequented by the bigger half of the courier fleet.
Whatever happened to your bestest friend, the em-dash? What did – ever do to you?
Sets up the location and why he knows of it. Also Csevet's likely mood: relaxed.
And he smiles at Setheris – painfully, but as brightly as the suncat on the tavern sign.
Csevet RUBS IT IN so excellently, and we all rejoice. Works as a way to make the audience laugh at Setheris' plight even more.
Revethvoran
The nohecharei. The revethvoreis’atha. Moonset.
Yes yes, paragraph, not a line, but the first line doesn't work. Showcases the highly stylized prose of lots of sentence fragments. Evocatively sets up the scene by callbacks to canon.
“Dazhis Adremaza” he whispers to his mirror image inaudibly, and smiles.
What Dazhis was referring to in "his resolve was almost shattered" has appeared! The entire fic is a ... creeping descent similar to watching two trains hurtle towards collision in slow motion, and then this line is the actual moment of collision, when our suspicions are confirmed. (FWIW, it's also interesting to note that the one nohecharis not shown committing revethvoran in the fic is the one who commits revethvoran in canon. Well, save Kiru, of course, but Dazhis would not have known she'd be his successor.)
In General
Airotkiv, your sentences' default length is much longer than mine, lol. You also do nice things with language.
Swan Mountain
It was not about pain.
Standing in its own paragraph, a very arresting line. What is "it" and why is it painful, yet not about pain?
Because everyone dies alone.
A disturbing line for a disturbing fic. If I'm reading this correctly, it means that Tethimar wishes to injure Csevet to the point of death, but just leave Csevet to die alone, which ... I'd have thought that Tethimar would be the type to enjoy watching the life slip out of his prey's eyes. Probably the weakest line in the fic, though that's not saying much.
A Tale of Two Emperors
“Belmaliven the V., coming to the throne after the sudden death of his brother, Belmaliven IV., had felt the succession amply secured by his two nephews and had not divorced his beloved but barren wife. In the second year of his reign he was deposed and murdered by "supporters" of his elder nephew, who was crowned as Belvesena IX., and survived as sickly puppet for six years, before in turn was ousted by his brother Belmaliven VI.”
Yes I know it's a paragraph, shh. SPAG note: there is no period intrinsically after Roman numerals, and Roman numerals include the whole "the x-th" thing, so it should be "Belmaliven V, ..." and "... Belmaliven IV ..."
A well-used quote of the canon, setting the scene, and informing up of whom the tales will be about.
He looked at Maia and gave a predatory smile. "Now tell us, who was the hundred and eighty-ninth emperor of the Elflands and exactly when did he rule?"
An effective callback to Setheris' tale, as well as Chenelo's version. Reinforces Setheris as an asshole, and does it well.
News Flies to Edonomee
The Wisdom of Choharo was running late on its voyage back from Thu-Athamar, and already there were midnight whispers of a crash, a terrible tragedy that took the life of the emperor and his three sons, but no one dared to believe it, or repeat the dark suspicions openly – until the pneumatic came.
A long line, and I <3 the strategic use of the em-dash. Establishes that this is a canon retelling, and elaborates on canon even here.
“It shall be as Your Serenity wishes,” he said instead, straightening. His heart sang, as he pulled out his pocket watch. “We will begin with… luncheon.”
Congratulations on finding a quote from canon that WORKS AS A CONCLUSION, albeit more of an "end of this chapter, start of the next" one than "the book ends, wait a few years for the sequel" one. Endings are already hard, and IMO retelling the whole book from Csevet's POV would've been ... excessive.
The Owl and the Suncat
It is one of those rare evenings when Csevet is free to do as he pleases -- and as on every such occasion, he decides to go to The Owl and the Suncat, the cozy tavern frequented by the bigger half of the courier fleet.
Whatever happened to your bestest friend, the em-dash? What did – ever do to you?
Sets up the location and why he knows of it. Also Csevet's likely mood: relaxed.
And he smiles at Setheris – painfully, but as brightly as the suncat on the tavern sign.
Csevet RUBS IT IN so excellently, and we all rejoice. Works as a way to make the audience laugh at Setheris' plight even more.
Revethvoran
The nohecharei. The revethvoreis’atha. Moonset.
Yes yes, paragraph, not a line, but the first line doesn't work. Showcases the highly stylized prose of lots of sentence fragments. Evocatively sets up the scene by callbacks to canon.
“Dazhis Adremaza” he whispers to his mirror image inaudibly, and smiles.
What Dazhis was referring to in "his resolve was almost shattered" has appeared! The entire fic is a ... creeping descent similar to watching two trains hurtle towards collision in slow motion, and then this line is the actual moment of collision, when our suspicions are confirmed. (FWIW, it's also interesting to note that the one nohecharis not shown committing revethvoran in the fic is the one who commits revethvoran in canon. Well, save Kiru, of course, but Dazhis would not have known she'd be his successor.)
In General
Airotkiv, your sentences' default length is much longer than mine, lol. You also do nice things with language.